I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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