I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
