we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
