i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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