Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hotel room ftw
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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