drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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