i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
