I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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