Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
