So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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