U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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