Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
