The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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