PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
