he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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