i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
