He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
