matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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