whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
