You're completely useless in the revolution.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
