Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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