we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
