What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
