A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
