I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I deserve this hangover.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize