thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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