No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
