He kissed a someone with a penis
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
