i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
