When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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