I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
