im six kinds of drunk right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
