i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
