My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
