I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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