I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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