I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
