I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
