I think my vagina is haunted
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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