He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
