They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
