cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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