I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
