hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
