I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
