Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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