There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
