My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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