Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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