Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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