I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
