I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
