i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
