Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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