I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
