Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
