There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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