I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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