dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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