I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
