New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
