I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
