Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
