She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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