Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize