my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
