oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
