He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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