your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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