Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
