So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
