guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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