So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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